Well a week doesn't go by that someone isn't telling me about their problems with their teens. I wish the was a 100% right answer to there questions but all families are different and there's no definite answer in some cases. I can only try to lead people in the right direction.
The truth is that, while there are of course many common threads that run through the world of parenting, and methods that have stood the test of time, we are all quite different people with our own physical attributes and personalities and we all interact with the world in different ways. That's what sets the human race apart and makes our lives so rich.
Teenagers are a challenge. They turn from a happy child to an angry stranger right before your eyes, although it's often so sudden you never see it happen. One moment they're asking you for a story and the next they're asking you to leave. These developmental years can are likely to be difficult for the both of you, yet there are a few things that you can do to make the rough ride a little smoother.
For any parent one of perhaps the most difficult tasks we face is that of teaching our children responsibility and this is especially difficult when we are talking about parenting teenagers. Invariably you find yourself faced with the problem of trying to instill habits into your teenagers, which will result in appropriate behavior without at the same time stifling the need for them to be able to make individual personal choices.
Avoid arguing with your troubled teen. Winning a fight is impossibility, even if you're right. Teenagers will rarely admit that they are at fault. Insisting that they are is a very bad idea. Often times a teenager will know that they're wrong, and even regret the mistake, but won't confess. Don't try to make them. It won't work.
Setting a good example and pointing out to your children the path, which they should follow, is as much as most parents can do. At the end of the day your children will make their own decisions about whether or not they wish to follow the path, which you have shown them.
A very difficult task, especially when parenting teenagers, is teaching your children to take responsibility for their own actions. However, an understanding of the mechanics of learning responsibility from the child's point of view will go a long way towards making this job much easier.
One final point to think about is that, like adults, children have a degree of their own free will and, whether we like it or not, the influence that you can exert over your children is limited. Often the best you can do is to lay down reasonable expectation and, whenever necessary, to adopt a firm, but certainly not overly authoritative, stance. At the end of the day you are after all raising a person with the capacity to think for him and to stand on his own feet and exercise self-responsibility.